I forgot about you! But that's okay... because nothing exciting ever happens to me and no one ever reads this! ha ha ha. Except me, when I remember you...
Maybe I can sum the last couple of weeks up in point form to make this easier for me to read at a later date.
- changed my mind about university YET AGAIN. Decided to go for my MOA certificate. More money, more benefits, more jobs, less touching people...
- haven't played WoW in like 2 freaking months!
- still slacking in school, but realize now that I need to finish these courses to get into Uni.
- looking for a job. Having a hard time finding one (stupid recession.)
- still living at home.
- still single.
- half assidly started working out.
- watched the Sex and the City movie... made me want to be rich but that's about it.
- Downloaded all 3 seasons of My Secret Identity.
- went shopping and drinking and spent all the money I had left.
- spent valentine's day smoking with Michelle.
- only valentine chocolate was from my own mother. sad.
- found my dream bike.
- need money for dream bike.
- need to get laid.
- need to get out more.
That's pretty much it. Oh my life is so boring...
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Fistful of Quarters
The King of Kong.
I watched this a couple of days ago, just haven't had the time or energy to write about it here. Maybe it's just because I'm a super nerd, but I think THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING AWESOME!!! When and if you get the chance, download and watch it.
I have a doctor's appointment on Monday because my energy levels are totally non-existent right now and Derek thinks I might have mono. I've been sleeping ridiculous amounts (like, 19-20 hours straight) and have absolutely no energy when I wake up. This is really hindering my school and other activities I am trying to do.
Kind of had a conversation with Oliver about how things have been between us, and how it makes me feel and I'm pretty sure it's over. Well, when you say something that's really personal and whatnot, and the other person just peaces you out and doesn't talk to you ever again after that, then yeah... over. Guess "the girl" does need to find someone that actually wants her... :P
I am getting really interested in vegan baking lately. I've been reading Sarah Kramer's website/blog and when I get the money I'd like to get one of her vegan cook books. I'm not really into cooking vegan MEALS (as I'm not vegan at all, or even vegetarian) but vegan baking really interests me for some reason. Plus baking is cute as hell! So if anyone finds any neat vegan baking recipes or cook books, websites, links, anything! just let me know.
And now I have to go get ready to go shopping with Dale. I'm getting new clothes because all the clothes I have are gross, and I need to look cute for interviews and boys. HA.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Love me, love my fool.
“I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks to much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.”
Theodore Isaac Rubin
Theodore Isaac Rubin
Monday, January 12, 2009
A Disruption in the Normal Swing of Things...
Hello 2009! It don't feel any different than 2008 as of yet, but I am determined to make this year a hell of a lot more productive than last!
Quick note about my NYE: New Years was actually pretty fun. I was expecting to have a quiet night chilling with Kory, Myla and Michelle but it ended up being a house party in Ladysmith with the aforementioned friends and also Riley and a bunch of his friends. Got pretty drunk and way too stoned, passed out listening to someone puke in the bathroom underneath the room I slept in... (that Kory would later deny was him, haha.) All in all, good times. No kisses at midnight, though. Oh well.
I bought a bag of purple kush when I was staying on the island, so I had a bunch left when I got home a couple weeks ago. Since then I've pretty much hung out in my room smoking, eating and sleeping with the exception of a few trips to the mall/store and a hang out with Ollie.
Now for the big "resolutions/reflection" post. I haven't really sat down and made a "list of resolutions"... but I have been thinking a lot about changes I need to make to become who I want to be instead of being so unhappy with my life and who I am.
Changes include (but are not limited to and in no particular order:)
1. STOP SMOKING WEED. Or seriously cutting back. I've decided that I don't mind smoking weed in small amounts, but I get into trouble when I have a lot of it available to me. So I think I am going to quit smoking for a while... or quit buying it anyways. I don't have a dealer and I don't have any friends in this city so I won't be offered any except when I go out of town or a friend comes to town. When I have a lot of pot around it just throws all my motivation and interest to do anything else out the window. I mean, I know I SHOULD do certain things, but getting stoned makes it so I don't care. It's time to grow up and start doing things I should have done a long time ago that getting high all the time has been holding me back from.
2. STOP PLAYING WOW. I also have decided to stop playing WoW for a while until I catch up on school work since I haven't done ANY english work for a month probably.
3. STOP LIVING IN THE PAST. This is a big one for me... the cause of a lot of my unhappiness. Past relationships, past friends, past living situations... they are all the past. I need to stop putting so much effort into still trying to talk to Rupert and realize that it's over. Some feelings may still reside but they are old feelings for someone who has changed, who has moved on, who has forgotten about me and doesn't even think about me in any regard anymore, friendly or otherwise. If he wanted to have any kind of relationship with me he would make some kind of effort to talk one in a while, but he doesn't. He has enough friends, he has a girlfriend that he is probably in love with, he has a job and he has his own life that I am not involved in whatsoever. I need to realize that people change and sometimes relationships (both romantic and friendly) grow apart and eventually end. Being lonely/alone isn't a reason to hold onto feelings for someone, especially someone who doesn't even live in the same city.
4. SET GOALS AND FOLLOW THEM THROUGH. I am mediocre at setting goals in general to begin with, but I am HORRIBLE at setting priorities and following through to achieve the goals that I set. I tend to make really big goals that aren't easily achieved or obtainable in the short term, and then I get disheartened that there's no noticable change/difference right away or I lose interest and give up. Or I set a goal for myself and take the steps to get there, but when the moment of truth comes I doubt myself or something and back out at last minute. I need to learn how to make not only big goals for later on in life, but smaller more short term oriented goals and also learn how to prioritize and organize to achieve the goals that I set.
5. EAT A HEALTHIER DIET/LIVE HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE. More exercise, less junk food. Pretty straight forward but also very difficult when you aren't responsible for the grocery shopping in the house. My diet will probably get a lot better when I move out either by myself or with my dad. I can start getting more active now, though. I might not go as far as to get a gym membership, but I might go see a trainer once or twice to learn some activities and get some equipment so I can do them at home and go for walks and whatnot. I'm getting more comfortable with not being one of "the thin girls", but I'm starting to think about health and, yes, appearance and I'd like to be the healthiest I can be.
6. MEET NEW PEOPLE. For some reason meeting people that have similar interests/hobbies as me and making friends has been difficult for me. My depression (at it's worst) really made me shut out a lot of people and made me into a pretty horrible friend but I am going to try to change that. It's obvious that most of my old friendships are unsalvagable, but the lessons from the ending of them can be taken away from it. I need to figure out where to meet people, first of all. I need to re-learn how to do things without weed involved, like how to have conversations with people, how to share interests... basically I need to learn how to be a friend all over again. I am also really shy and it's hard to get to know me, so I have to try to be a bit more outgoing or something. haha.
Lastly, I would like to START DATING AGAIN. I kind of have feelings for Ollie still, but I know it's not a healthy relationship right now and I don't even know what he wants. Part of me wants to just let it go as it is and see what happens, but most of me knows that it's not going anywhere unless I take some kind of action to fight for what I want. Do I give the ultimatum and demand to be something more serious (which would probably result in me being turned down completely and the end of our relationship), or do I do nothing and sit here swept aside, last on his mind, and miserable yet again? The old me would stick around forever, no matter how shitty I was being treated or how much I was ignored. The new me, though, isn't so sure she wants to stick around for that... I want to have a real relationship for once. I want all that stupid cute shit that people love in the beginnings of relationships and then take for granted like reading to each other in bed, or leaving messages or notes because you're thinking of the person, or sharing half your sandwich without even being asked. Except I want my OWN cute shit. I want someone to be annoyingly cute with. I do not want to be sitting alone wishing someone would call or come over when they are thinking about someone else or spending time and having feelings for someone else.
Sigh.
I am going to go clothes shopping this week and hopefully I can find some clothes that are my style, but more... "grown up"? I need work clothes, but I'm not going to buy clothes when it feels like I'm playing dress up. I want to remain myself. I also need a haircut. Need to "spruce up" for interviews. I hate job hunting...
Quick note about my NYE: New Years was actually pretty fun. I was expecting to have a quiet night chilling with Kory, Myla and Michelle but it ended up being a house party in Ladysmith with the aforementioned friends and also Riley and a bunch of his friends. Got pretty drunk and way too stoned, passed out listening to someone puke in the bathroom underneath the room I slept in... (that Kory would later deny was him, haha.) All in all, good times. No kisses at midnight, though. Oh well.
I bought a bag of purple kush when I was staying on the island, so I had a bunch left when I got home a couple weeks ago. Since then I've pretty much hung out in my room smoking, eating and sleeping with the exception of a few trips to the mall/store and a hang out with Ollie.
Now for the big "resolutions/reflection" post. I haven't really sat down and made a "list of resolutions"... but I have been thinking a lot about changes I need to make to become who I want to be instead of being so unhappy with my life and who I am.
Changes include (but are not limited to and in no particular order:)
1. STOP SMOKING WEED. Or seriously cutting back. I've decided that I don't mind smoking weed in small amounts, but I get into trouble when I have a lot of it available to me. So I think I am going to quit smoking for a while... or quit buying it anyways. I don't have a dealer and I don't have any friends in this city so I won't be offered any except when I go out of town or a friend comes to town. When I have a lot of pot around it just throws all my motivation and interest to do anything else out the window. I mean, I know I SHOULD do certain things, but getting stoned makes it so I don't care. It's time to grow up and start doing things I should have done a long time ago that getting high all the time has been holding me back from.
2. STOP PLAYING WOW. I also have decided to stop playing WoW for a while until I catch up on school work since I haven't done ANY english work for a month probably.
3. STOP LIVING IN THE PAST. This is a big one for me... the cause of a lot of my unhappiness. Past relationships, past friends, past living situations... they are all the past. I need to stop putting so much effort into still trying to talk to Rupert and realize that it's over. Some feelings may still reside but they are old feelings for someone who has changed, who has moved on, who has forgotten about me and doesn't even think about me in any regard anymore, friendly or otherwise. If he wanted to have any kind of relationship with me he would make some kind of effort to talk one in a while, but he doesn't. He has enough friends, he has a girlfriend that he is probably in love with, he has a job and he has his own life that I am not involved in whatsoever. I need to realize that people change and sometimes relationships (both romantic and friendly) grow apart and eventually end. Being lonely/alone isn't a reason to hold onto feelings for someone, especially someone who doesn't even live in the same city.
4. SET GOALS AND FOLLOW THEM THROUGH. I am mediocre at setting goals in general to begin with, but I am HORRIBLE at setting priorities and following through to achieve the goals that I set. I tend to make really big goals that aren't easily achieved or obtainable in the short term, and then I get disheartened that there's no noticable change/difference right away or I lose interest and give up. Or I set a goal for myself and take the steps to get there, but when the moment of truth comes I doubt myself or something and back out at last minute. I need to learn how to make not only big goals for later on in life, but smaller more short term oriented goals and also learn how to prioritize and organize to achieve the goals that I set.
5. EAT A HEALTHIER DIET/LIVE HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE. More exercise, less junk food. Pretty straight forward but also very difficult when you aren't responsible for the grocery shopping in the house. My diet will probably get a lot better when I move out either by myself or with my dad. I can start getting more active now, though. I might not go as far as to get a gym membership, but I might go see a trainer once or twice to learn some activities and get some equipment so I can do them at home and go for walks and whatnot. I'm getting more comfortable with not being one of "the thin girls", but I'm starting to think about health and, yes, appearance and I'd like to be the healthiest I can be.
6. MEET NEW PEOPLE. For some reason meeting people that have similar interests/hobbies as me and making friends has been difficult for me. My depression (at it's worst) really made me shut out a lot of people and made me into a pretty horrible friend but I am going to try to change that. It's obvious that most of my old friendships are unsalvagable, but the lessons from the ending of them can be taken away from it. I need to figure out where to meet people, first of all. I need to re-learn how to do things without weed involved, like how to have conversations with people, how to share interests... basically I need to learn how to be a friend all over again. I am also really shy and it's hard to get to know me, so I have to try to be a bit more outgoing or something. haha.
Lastly, I would like to START DATING AGAIN. I kind of have feelings for Ollie still, but I know it's not a healthy relationship right now and I don't even know what he wants. Part of me wants to just let it go as it is and see what happens, but most of me knows that it's not going anywhere unless I take some kind of action to fight for what I want. Do I give the ultimatum and demand to be something more serious (which would probably result in me being turned down completely and the end of our relationship), or do I do nothing and sit here swept aside, last on his mind, and miserable yet again? The old me would stick around forever, no matter how shitty I was being treated or how much I was ignored. The new me, though, isn't so sure she wants to stick around for that... I want to have a real relationship for once. I want all that stupid cute shit that people love in the beginnings of relationships and then take for granted like reading to each other in bed, or leaving messages or notes because you're thinking of the person, or sharing half your sandwich without even being asked. Except I want my OWN cute shit. I want someone to be annoyingly cute with. I do not want to be sitting alone wishing someone would call or come over when they are thinking about someone else or spending time and having feelings for someone else.
Sigh.
I am going to go clothes shopping this week and hopefully I can find some clothes that are my style, but more... "grown up"? I need work clothes, but I'm not going to buy clothes when it feels like I'm playing dress up. I want to remain myself. I also need a haircut. Need to "spruce up" for interviews. I hate job hunting...
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
IT'S ON LIKE TRON!
Christmas is almost here; I am completely unprepared. I didn't have money to get anyone a presents, or get materials to make anything... so I pretty much look like a deadbeat asshole child/friend/sibling/family member this year. Much like every other day/year... ha. New Years Eve is going to be pretty chill. Probably just going to the island either to chill in Ladysmith at Kory n Myla's or to Nanaimer to chill with Michelle. Either way it will be getting baked and chilling, no crazy drunken times.
I have this growing obsession with high-top shoes. I have no idea why, but they're so awesome. WET PANTIES kind of awesome. I need to go clothes shopping. I need someone to come clothes shopping and help me make outfits that don't look retarded.
Speaking of friends, Michelle and I started talking last night. Random message from her on msn out of the blue... then it just seemed like nothing ever really happeend (as usual.) Guess that's why they call them best friends for life?
Still trying to find a weed hook-up in V'couvie... well, not so much trying as much as hoping someone will bring me weed. Someone bring me some j's and come on an adventure. Dooooo it.
Also still making decisions about the move to Calgary. I think I'm going to write dad and plan a visit sometime next spring/summer for a week or so. I've also been letting my feelings for someone sort of take over, bad move. I saw a super ridiculously cute photo of him on the F-book (gaybook) and I started to swoon again. Time to bury those feelings deep. HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE! EAT THOSE FEELINGS, EMOTIONAL FATTY!
I did find a cute boy that I secretly have a secret facebook crush on. Facebook is horrible. It turns the sweetest of people (me) into creepy inter-stalkers (not me.) He's so gnarly though, every single default pic i swooned a little more. Pics of him with bloody lips after drinking out of broken wine bottles, pics of him puking on sidewalks, pics of him stoned. Stoner grungey hippy dude, let's do it. IT'S ON LIKE TRON!
I have this growing obsession with high-top shoes. I have no idea why, but they're so awesome. WET PANTIES kind of awesome. I need to go clothes shopping. I need someone to come clothes shopping and help me make outfits that don't look retarded.
Speaking of friends, Michelle and I started talking last night. Random message from her on msn out of the blue... then it just seemed like nothing ever really happeend (as usual.) Guess that's why they call them best friends for life?
Still trying to find a weed hook-up in V'couvie... well, not so much trying as much as hoping someone will bring me weed. Someone bring me some j's and come on an adventure. Dooooo it.
Also still making decisions about the move to Calgary. I think I'm going to write dad and plan a visit sometime next spring/summer for a week or so. I've also been letting my feelings for someone sort of take over, bad move. I saw a super ridiculously cute photo of him on the F-book (gaybook) and I started to swoon again. Time to bury those feelings deep. HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE! EAT THOSE FEELINGS, EMOTIONAL FATTY!
I did find a cute boy that I secretly have a secret facebook crush on. Facebook is horrible. It turns the sweetest of people (me) into creepy inter-stalkers (not me.) He's so gnarly though, every single default pic i swooned a little more. Pics of him with bloody lips after drinking out of broken wine bottles, pics of him puking on sidewalks, pics of him stoned. Stoner grungey hippy dude, let's do it. IT'S ON LIKE TRON!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
B-b-b-ird bird bird, bird is the word!
Ok, I forgot all about Mount Royal College... but it seems as thought they don't offer any web/graphics design courses ANYWAYS. Suck a dink, Mt Royal. Sait is still looking like my top choice for schools in Calgary. I can only find a course for Digital Graphics so far... it doesn't look like they have a combined webpage development/graphic design course/certificate/degree, so that kind of sucks. I have to keep looking, though. Digital Graphics is better than nothing. It's kind of kicking me in the face though because the Digital Graphics course at sait is about 9 grand for 2 years... whereas at SFU or BCIT I can take a combined web/graphics course for 2 grand LESS. Is moving out of Vancouver a year or 2 early worth 2 grand? Looks like I have some serious things to consider that I hadn't really thought about until now. And I've decided not to let the fact that Rupert lives there sway any decisions I make. I shouldn't even have feelings for him anymore and it's totally ridiculous to think that anything will happen between us: he has a girlfriend! He loves her, not me. I don't even enter his mind at all. Ever. So that's case closed. Girlfriend = case closed. haha.
I have a meeting with a councilor at VLN this Thursday to enroll in the rest of the courses I need to graduate. I'm not working right now and I need to get it done so I figure I can just buckle down and get them all done at the same time asap. It will be REALLY hard to motivate myself, I'm already having problems motivating myself to do English assignments... so I think after my WoW subscription runs out I won't be renewing it until I'm finished these courses. If I can motivate myself enough I think I might be able to get them done by April or May. I have until June 1st to finish them, but the sooner I finish them the better.
My grandma is coming to visit from Calgary today and will be arriving in about 2.5 hours. I have to give up my room and live in the basement for about a week because she can't walk up/down stairs. That is going to suck big time. I also have to clean my entire room and wash some bedding for her before she gets here. Ugh.
Guess I should get on that.
I have a meeting with a councilor at VLN this Thursday to enroll in the rest of the courses I need to graduate. I'm not working right now and I need to get it done so I figure I can just buckle down and get them all done at the same time asap. It will be REALLY hard to motivate myself, I'm already having problems motivating myself to do English assignments... so I think after my WoW subscription runs out I won't be renewing it until I'm finished these courses. If I can motivate myself enough I think I might be able to get them done by April or May. I have until June 1st to finish them, but the sooner I finish them the better.
My grandma is coming to visit from Calgary today and will be arriving in about 2.5 hours. I have to give up my room and live in the basement for about a week because she can't walk up/down stairs. That is going to suck big time. I also have to clean my entire room and wash some bedding for her before she gets here. Ugh.
Guess I should get on that.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tis the season... TO FREAK OUT! aka Joyeux Noel on speed.
I think I know why they call it the loneliest time of the year... it sure is disheartening, that's for sure. I have no idea what it is about this time of year that makes one think of everything that is lacking in their life but it's ridiculous. Who's idea was it to make people depressed/lonely during the most miserable season of the year? I bet whomever came up with the idea also likes the idea of punching kittens and drowning puppies, too.
It's not THAT bad, I guess. I stopped taking to Oliver... it just wasn't even worth wasting my effort. I'm over jumping through hoops to get his attention, he can find someone else to do that. I'm starting to get a clearer idea of what's going to happen in my future as far as moving to Calgary and going to school there are concerned. Still a few kinks in the time line to flatten out, but it's moving along. I'm just having problems wrapping my head around the idea of living in the same city as Rupert and I can't decide whether or not that is a good idea or not. I know I'm not moving there FOR him, but I don't want to move there and then have my reasons and plans for moving there changed or compromised because of being around him. He's entered my mind more than a few times lately and I can't say that my feelings for him have ever really wavered, and I can see how I could get hurt again very easily if things took a few wrong turns. I wouldn't want something like that to affect my schooling. At any rate, SAIT looks like a pretty promising choice as far as schools go... I have to look at other schools and see what web design classes they have and whatnot. Good ol' school hunts.
I am excited to move to Calgary for school, but also because I see it as an opportunity to meet new people. I'm sorry Vancouver, but I'm sick of walking down the street and feeling negative energy from everyone, or running into people I used to be friends with but no longer associate with. Everyone here is so in their own little worlds and doesn't care about anyone else. It's stupid. It doesn't hurt to be nice for no reason sometimes, guys. Yes, EVEN to strangers and people who may not necessarily be in your close personal circle of friends. OMG. I already have a friend in Cowtown. Ashley and I are going to be the cutest nerdiest friends ever.
I'm also not working right now, which sucks because I really need money for a lot of things: dentistry, tattoo, school, debt, moving costs, etc. etc. etc. I need to pay for all of that, and I also need to save up a reasonable amount of money with which to move to Calgary. I have no idea how much that will cost. I'm thinking I will probably sell anything that can't be carried on or easily shipped out there. So that will save me some money on moving costs, but I will also need to have a bit of money in that budget to buy some furniture (like a bed) when I get there. This would be a PRIME time for some mystery rich family member of mine to die and leave me millions of dollars. PRIME.
.....still prime?
damn.
It's not THAT bad, I guess. I stopped taking to Oliver... it just wasn't even worth wasting my effort. I'm over jumping through hoops to get his attention, he can find someone else to do that. I'm starting to get a clearer idea of what's going to happen in my future as far as moving to Calgary and going to school there are concerned. Still a few kinks in the time line to flatten out, but it's moving along. I'm just having problems wrapping my head around the idea of living in the same city as Rupert and I can't decide whether or not that is a good idea or not. I know I'm not moving there FOR him, but I don't want to move there and then have my reasons and plans for moving there changed or compromised because of being around him. He's entered my mind more than a few times lately and I can't say that my feelings for him have ever really wavered, and I can see how I could get hurt again very easily if things took a few wrong turns. I wouldn't want something like that to affect my schooling. At any rate, SAIT looks like a pretty promising choice as far as schools go... I have to look at other schools and see what web design classes they have and whatnot. Good ol' school hunts.
I am excited to move to Calgary for school, but also because I see it as an opportunity to meet new people. I'm sorry Vancouver, but I'm sick of walking down the street and feeling negative energy from everyone, or running into people I used to be friends with but no longer associate with. Everyone here is so in their own little worlds and doesn't care about anyone else. It's stupid. It doesn't hurt to be nice for no reason sometimes, guys. Yes, EVEN to strangers and people who may not necessarily be in your close personal circle of friends. OMG. I already have a friend in Cowtown. Ashley and I are going to be the cutest nerdiest friends ever.
I'm also not working right now, which sucks because I really need money for a lot of things: dentistry, tattoo, school, debt, moving costs, etc. etc. etc. I need to pay for all of that, and I also need to save up a reasonable amount of money with which to move to Calgary. I have no idea how much that will cost. I'm thinking I will probably sell anything that can't be carried on or easily shipped out there. So that will save me some money on moving costs, but I will also need to have a bit of money in that budget to buy some furniture (like a bed) when I get there. This would be a PRIME time for some mystery rich family member of mine to die and leave me millions of dollars. PRIME.
.....still prime?
damn.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Woozle Wazzle?
I have calmed down considerably in the last week. I reached my peak stress point last week(end) when a bunch of things started to snowball and run me over. I was worried about a couple of things, people were hating on me, sick, not sleeping or eating very well, thinking about certain situations with certain people, and just stressed out from school and work. Horrible.
This week, however, a number of worries have resolved themselves (one major one in particular that I won't write about on here) and I am no longer sick. I found out that the school assignments and mid-term I was freaking out about aren't due on the 28th of this month, but sometime in January. HOORAY! This means I am almost DONE my assignments that need to be done by the 28th. I was stressed about not having a job, and not making any money... but I should focus on school right now anyways so that stress kind of faded quickly. People are still hating on me, but I really could care less right now. Someone's always hating on me at one point or another, I might as well get used to peacing people out when they become assholes for no reason.
I have also been doing some research on sleeping disorders because I haven't been sleeping normally at all lately, and if I think about it I really haven't slept normally for YEARS, it's just become 'normal' for ME. I think I have a disorder called 'Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder'. FUCKED! Now I just have to voice my concerns to my doctor whenever I go in to renew my prescription (whenever that is...) I don't really feel like writing about it in detail; wikipedia can do that for me. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_syndrome
I preordered the WOTLK expansion for WoW the other day when I went to see Saw V with "awesome" Dave... I made him come in the store with me because EB GAME NERDS ARE INTIMIDATING TO ME! haha. Turns out it was just some fat ugly nerd chicks that I could've handled. Ah well. Unfortunately, WoW is being retarded (because of the new patch, I assume) and my frame rates are so shitty I can barely play right now. Blizz, as usual, suggests a bunch of shit I've already tried a million times. THANKS GUYS! I could get paid to do that shit, seriously. Hire me to tell people what they already know. K, cool.
I don't think I got the job at La Senza because of my monroe piercing. But I wouldn't want to work at some place that would require me to take it out anyways. Plus they were all east indian/asian... I doubt they'd hire a white chick anyways.
I'm at work right now... avoiding dvd cataloging. I was 2 hours late (yet again) and I have no intentions of staying 2 hours later to make up for it. Instead, I am covering Valerie's shift on Sunday. Saturday was supposed to be my last shift, but I'll take the extra money on my last cheque. It's freezing in here, and I am bored. I probably wouldn't be posting otherwise; this isn't an interesting post. I thought I had something to write about... I guess not. I guess I'll stop. Guess I'll go catalog more exciting titles such as "cum play with me 3" and "Jizz Overload".
This week, however, a number of worries have resolved themselves (one major one in particular that I won't write about on here) and I am no longer sick. I found out that the school assignments and mid-term I was freaking out about aren't due on the 28th of this month, but sometime in January. HOORAY! This means I am almost DONE my assignments that need to be done by the 28th. I was stressed about not having a job, and not making any money... but I should focus on school right now anyways so that stress kind of faded quickly. People are still hating on me, but I really could care less right now. Someone's always hating on me at one point or another, I might as well get used to peacing people out when they become assholes for no reason.
I have also been doing some research on sleeping disorders because I haven't been sleeping normally at all lately, and if I think about it I really haven't slept normally for YEARS, it's just become 'normal' for ME. I think I have a disorder called 'Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder'. FUCKED! Now I just have to voice my concerns to my doctor whenever I go in to renew my prescription (whenever that is...) I don't really feel like writing about it in detail; wikipedia can do that for me. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_syndrome
I preordered the WOTLK expansion for WoW the other day when I went to see Saw V with "awesome" Dave... I made him come in the store with me because EB GAME NERDS ARE INTIMIDATING TO ME! haha. Turns out it was just some fat ugly nerd chicks that I could've handled. Ah well. Unfortunately, WoW is being retarded (because of the new patch, I assume) and my frame rates are so shitty I can barely play right now. Blizz, as usual, suggests a bunch of shit I've already tried a million times. THANKS GUYS! I could get paid to do that shit, seriously. Hire me to tell people what they already know. K, cool.
I don't think I got the job at La Senza because of my monroe piercing. But I wouldn't want to work at some place that would require me to take it out anyways. Plus they were all east indian/asian... I doubt they'd hire a white chick anyways.
I'm at work right now... avoiding dvd cataloging. I was 2 hours late (yet again) and I have no intentions of staying 2 hours later to make up for it. Instead, I am covering Valerie's shift on Sunday. Saturday was supposed to be my last shift, but I'll take the extra money on my last cheque. It's freezing in here, and I am bored. I probably wouldn't be posting otherwise; this isn't an interesting post. I thought I had something to write about... I guess not. I guess I'll stop. Guess I'll go catalog more exciting titles such as "cum play with me 3" and "Jizz Overload".
Friday, October 31, 2008
Things happen for a reason...?
Funny story:
I quit the porn store yesterday/today and I called in sick today because I was up all night with anxiety attacks (over quitting... go figure.) and 2 hours later I get a call from some woman at La Senza in Metrotown to schedule an interview there. I guess I applied there 6 months to a year ago and they're just calling me NOW. Crazy timing.
Crazy good. (If I get the job.) Still working with boobies, just less exposed boobies. haha.
OH! And I also found out from a little bird why I was not invited to Alan's Halloween party tonight. 1. Ryan was going, and we all know what an asshole he is. (And by we all, I mean me.) 2. Apparently some girl named Joanne (Alan's girlfriend?) "dislikes" me despite the fact that she's never even met me, seen me OR talked to me. EVER! Good thing you're so judgemental Joanne, otherwise how would you like or dislike someone!? YOU WOULD ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET TO KNOW THEM OMFG! So I won't be talking to Alan anymore, and I won't be hanging out there anymore which sucks because now I can't play with puppies, I can't get any weed and I lost a new friend. I just don't want to get involved with people who could/would cause that much drama already. I'm out of highschool, thanks.
"I guess I'm just not meant to have friends..." - Dani Lisa Simpson
C'est la vie.
I quit the porn store yesterday/today and I called in sick today because I was up all night with anxiety attacks (over quitting... go figure.) and 2 hours later I get a call from some woman at La Senza in Metrotown to schedule an interview there. I guess I applied there 6 months to a year ago and they're just calling me NOW. Crazy timing.
Crazy good. (If I get the job.) Still working with boobies, just less exposed boobies. haha.
OH! And I also found out from a little bird why I was not invited to Alan's Halloween party tonight. 1. Ryan was going, and we all know what an asshole he is. (And by we all, I mean me.) 2. Apparently some girl named Joanne (Alan's girlfriend?) "dislikes" me despite the fact that she's never even met me, seen me OR talked to me. EVER! Good thing you're so judgemental Joanne, otherwise how would you like or dislike someone!? YOU WOULD ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET TO KNOW THEM OMFG! So I won't be talking to Alan anymore, and I won't be hanging out there anymore which sucks because now I can't play with puppies, I can't get any weed and I lost a new friend. I just don't want to get involved with people who could/would cause that much drama already. I'm out of highschool, thanks.
"I guess I'm just not meant to have friends..." -
C'est la vie.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
A means to an end...
I feel like shit lately. Really run down, really unhappy with a lot of aspects of my life and myself... just really not myself. It's really bothering me and it seems like no matter what I do I can't shake it. My doctor did say that I would need a stronger dosage of antidepressant in the winter (but then she wrote me a prescription that would exceed the winter months... WTH!?)... maybe that's what it is.
No, I didn't write a blog post just so I could say I feel like shit. I had the flu last weekend and was throwing up too much to even call in sick to work so I had to get Derek to call in sick for me. One of the girls (not a boss) called and left a message on Wednesday saying that Debbie (the female owner) lost my SIN # and couldn't issue my ROE so she needed me to call her with the #. Um... WHAT? I called Deb, she was driving and got off the phone. I called Valerie back like Deb told me to, gave her my SIN and asked what it was for; she had no idea. I emailed Steve (male owner) and the response I got was "why were you unable to work last weekend and why did you not call before the start of your shift." Um... right. Pretty sure I made sure they knew I was sick. Maybe if you had CALLED ME instead of just issuing my ROE without talking to anybody you would have found out that I had gotten my step dad to call in.
I explained why I didn't go in and who had called in for me. All I got was "We still need you. I'll talk to you about it when you come in tomorrow." I don't even WANT to work there anymore. There are a number of reasons why I don't want to work there anymore. It's a porn store and I'm not particularly proud to work there, and I don't really necessarily want to tell everyone what it is when they ask where I work. I need to focus on school because I am falling behind and finding it hard to keep myself motivated. They cut my hours from 40/week to 16 and gave me the shittiest shifts that no one else would take and I don't get paid that much. Etc. Etc.
So... I replied to Steve's last email to me and told him that I was going to be quitting.
I had to grind my teeth to be that nice about it and lie as to why I was leaving. I'll have to grin and bear it even more tomorrow when I tell him in person. At least I am showing them the decency of giving NOTICE, which they were not going to give to me. I know a job is a job, and it's just a means to an end (the end being school and a career) but I don't think any place that makes me feel THAT horrible is worth it.
Anyways, looks like I need a new job. HOORAY, another worry to add to my pile of crap. BUT... maybe I will find a new job that doesn't make me feel like total shit and actually makes me feel a little bit better about that aspect of my life. One can hope...
No, I didn't write a blog post just so I could say I feel like shit. I had the flu last weekend and was throwing up too much to even call in sick to work so I had to get Derek to call in sick for me. One of the girls (not a boss) called and left a message on Wednesday saying that Debbie (the female owner) lost my SIN # and couldn't issue my ROE so she needed me to call her with the #. Um... WHAT? I called Deb, she was driving and got off the phone. I called Valerie back like Deb told me to, gave her my SIN and asked what it was for; she had no idea. I emailed Steve (male owner) and the response I got was "why were you unable to work last weekend and why did you not call before the start of your shift." Um... right. Pretty sure I made sure they knew I was sick. Maybe if you had CALLED ME instead of just issuing my ROE without talking to anybody you would have found out that I had gotten my step dad to call in.
I explained why I didn't go in and who had called in for me. All I got was "We still need you. I'll talk to you about it when you come in tomorrow." I don't even WANT to work there anymore. There are a number of reasons why I don't want to work there anymore. It's a porn store and I'm not particularly proud to work there, and I don't really necessarily want to tell everyone what it is when they ask where I work. I need to focus on school because I am falling behind and finding it hard to keep myself motivated. They cut my hours from 40/week to 16 and gave me the shittiest shifts that no one else would take and I don't get paid that much. Etc. Etc.
So... I replied to Steve's last email to me and told him that I was going to be quitting.
I had to grind my teeth to be that nice about it and lie as to why I was leaving. I'll have to grin and bear it even more tomorrow when I tell him in person. At least I am showing them the decency of giving NOTICE, which they were not going to give to me. I know a job is a job, and it's just a means to an end (the end being school and a career) but I don't think any place that makes me feel THAT horrible is worth it.
Anyways, looks like I need a new job. HOORAY, another worry to add to my pile of crap. BUT... maybe I will find a new job that doesn't make me feel like total shit and actually makes me feel a little bit better about that aspect of my life. One can hope...
Friday, October 17, 2008
You're lovely (but you've got lots of problems...)
Finally, my first post. For some reason it's really hard to sit here and actually type my feelings and thoughts lately. It's easy to play around with the layout and make it look pretty, not so easy to be honest with myself and put my life out there for the world to read about.
I suppose I should start with an update of sorts. I recently turned 24 and am starting to feel my age, or slightly behind for my age. Everyone in my graduating class in high school has finished college/university, had kids, and/or is married. Everyone except me. I'm still single and I have been for the past 3 years with no prospects of getting a boyfriend in the near future, I still live with my parents and won't be moving out anytime soon, I have a crappy job that I am unhappy doing, and I am still doing high school courses to graduate. Aren't I a winner?
I don't mean to be so down on myself but most of it is the truth. I recently was berated by Ryan (Burchmore, not Bernice) out of the blue. Totally unexpected and random, and I still have no idea why he did it, but the kid just flailed and totally started shit talking me TO me. Some of the meanest insults anyone has EVER said to me. He's ashamed to be my friend and doesn't want to associate with me because I will "drag him down", nothing about me is lovable, I don't do anything, I'm just gliding through life, etc. etc. Horrible, mean shit. Needless to say we're not friends anymore. I don't even care if he thinks he's too good to associate with me, I don't want to associate with stuck up assholes so even if he apologized now I still wouldn't be his friend. I'll admit, I let what he said get to me at first. I cried and I'm not exactly sure why.
I also recently have developed some strong feelings for someone (O.) only to find out that he has a girlfriend. Being the idiot that I am I was hopeful that they would break up and we would be together, and I kept looking too far ahead into a future that doesn't even exist. And in a stupid girly attempt to win him over, I was motivated to try to make myself better hoping he would want to be with me. No dice, haha. It may have been the wrong motivation, but at least it got me on the right track. I don't entirely like who I am right now or the person I will become if I continue on the road that I am on. Just because I shouldn't do it for a guy doesn't mean I shouldn't do it at all.
So I have decided to start over and change that. I have absolutely no clue as to how I'm going to do anything, or who I am going to become but at least I am doing something.
I started my high school courses through the Vancouver Learning Network so I can graduate. I'm only doing English 12 online right now until I can figure out how to go about starting my other courses but at least I've started. It's always bugged me that I never graduated, even though it's never really necessary for anything lol. I'm doing well in my course so far, an A- (although grades aren't being calculated until the end of the course) which is pretty good considering all my assignments have been done either while at work or while stoned. I rule! haha.
I've also redone my resume and started to look for another job, since I'm not particularly enjoying working at the porn store anymore and I'm not exactly proud to work here, either. I think I'm going to hold off on looking for a new job, though, until I get more settled into doing my school courses because I don't want to overwhelm myself.
I think this is a long enough entry for a first post, so I'm going to end it right .... now!
I suppose I should start with an update of sorts. I recently turned 24 and am starting to feel my age, or slightly behind for my age. Everyone in my graduating class in high school has finished college/university, had kids, and/or is married. Everyone except me. I'm still single and I have been for the past 3 years with no prospects of getting a boyfriend in the near future, I still live with my parents and won't be moving out anytime soon, I have a crappy job that I am unhappy doing, and I am still doing high school courses to graduate. Aren't I a winner?
I don't mean to be so down on myself but most of it is the truth. I recently was berated by Ryan (Burchmore, not Bernice) out of the blue. Totally unexpected and random, and I still have no idea why he did it, but the kid just flailed and totally started shit talking me TO me. Some of the meanest insults anyone has EVER said to me. He's ashamed to be my friend and doesn't want to associate with me because I will "drag him down", nothing about me is lovable, I don't do anything, I'm just gliding through life, etc. etc. Horrible, mean shit. Needless to say we're not friends anymore. I don't even care if he thinks he's too good to associate with me, I don't want to associate with stuck up assholes so even if he apologized now I still wouldn't be his friend. I'll admit, I let what he said get to me at first. I cried and I'm not exactly sure why.
I also recently have developed some strong feelings for someone (O.) only to find out that he has a girlfriend. Being the idiot that I am I was hopeful that they would break up and we would be together, and I kept looking too far ahead into a future that doesn't even exist. And in a stupid girly attempt to win him over, I was motivated to try to make myself better hoping he would want to be with me. No dice, haha. It may have been the wrong motivation, but at least it got me on the right track. I don't entirely like who I am right now or the person I will become if I continue on the road that I am on. Just because I shouldn't do it for a guy doesn't mean I shouldn't do it at all.
So I have decided to start over and change that. I have absolutely no clue as to how I'm going to do anything, or who I am going to become but at least I am doing something.
I started my high school courses through the Vancouver Learning Network so I can graduate. I'm only doing English 12 online right now until I can figure out how to go about starting my other courses but at least I've started. It's always bugged me that I never graduated, even though it's never really necessary for anything lol. I'm doing well in my course so far, an A- (although grades aren't being calculated until the end of the course) which is pretty good considering all my assignments have been done either while at work or while stoned. I rule! haha.
I've also redone my resume and started to look for another job, since I'm not particularly enjoying working at the porn store anymore and I'm not exactly proud to work here, either. I think I'm going to hold off on looking for a new job, though, until I get more settled into doing my school courses because I don't want to overwhelm myself.
I think this is a long enough entry for a first post, so I'm going to end it right .... now!
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