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Funny story:
I quit the porn store yesterday/today and I called in sick today because I was up all night with anxiety attacks (over quitting... go figure.) and 2 hours later I get a call from some woman at La Senza in Metrotown to schedule an interview there. I guess I applied there 6 months to a year ago and they're just calling me NOW. Crazy timing.
Crazy good. (If I get the job.) Still working with boobies, just less exposed boobies. haha.
OH! And I also found out from a little bird why I was not invited to Alan's Halloween party tonight. 1. Ryan was going, and we all know what an asshole he is. (And by we all, I mean me.) 2. Apparently some girl named Joanne (Alan's girlfriend?) "dislikes" me despite the fact that she's never even met me, seen me OR talked to me. EVER! Good thing you're so judgemental Joanne, otherwise how would you like or dislike someone!? YOU WOULD ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET TO KNOW THEM OMFG! So I won't be talking to Alan anymore, and I won't be hanging out there anymore which sucks because now I can't play with puppies, I can't get any weed and I lost a new friend. I just don't want to get involved with people who could/would cause that much drama already. I'm out of highschool, thanks.
"I guess I'm just not meant to have friends..." - Dani Lisa Simpson
C'est la vie.
I feel like shit lately. Really run down, really unhappy with a lot of aspects of my life and myself... just really not myself. It's really bothering me and it seems like no matter what I do I can't shake it. My doctor did say that I would need a stronger dosage of antidepressant in the winter (but then she wrote me a prescription that would exceed the winter months... WTH!?)... maybe that's what it is.
No, I didn't write a blog post just so I could say I feel like shit. I had the flu last weekend and was throwing up too much to even call in sick to work so I had to get Derek to call in sick for me. One of the girls (not a boss) called and left a message on Wednesday saying that Debbie (the female owner) lost my SIN # and couldn't issue my ROE so she needed me to call her with the #. Um... WHAT? I called Deb, she was driving and got off the phone. I called Valerie back like Deb told me to, gave her my SIN and asked what it was for; she had no idea. I emailed Steve (male owner) and the response I got was "why were you unable to work last weekend and why did you not call before the start of your shift." Um... right. Pretty sure I made sure they knew I was sick. Maybe if you had CALLED ME instead of just issuing my ROE without talking to anybody you would have found out that I had gotten my step dad to call in.
I explained why I didn't go in and who had called in for me. All I got was "We still need you. I'll talk to you about it when you come in tomorrow." I don't even WANT to work there anymore. There are a number of reasons why I don't want to work there anymore. It's a porn store and I'm not particularly proud to work there, and I don't really necessarily want to tell everyone what it is when they ask where I work. I need to focus on school because I am falling behind and finding it hard to keep myself motivated. They cut my hours from 40/week to 16 and gave me the shittiest shifts that no one else would take and I don't get paid that much. Etc. Etc.
So... I replied to Steve's last email to me and told him that I was going to be quitting.
I had to grind my teeth to be that nice about it and lie as to why I was leaving. I'll have to grin and bear it even more tomorrow when I tell him in person. At least I am showing them the decency of giving NOTICE, which they were not going to give to me. I know a job is a job, and it's just a means to an end (the end being school and a career) but I don't think any place that makes me feel THAT horrible is worth it.
Anyways, looks like I need a new job. HOORAY, another worry to add to my pile of crap. BUT... maybe I will find a new job that doesn't make me feel like total shit and actually makes me feel a little bit better about that aspect of my life. One can hope...
Finally, my first post. For some reason it's really hard to sit here and actually type my feelings and thoughts lately. It's easy to play around with the layout and make it look pretty, not so easy to be honest with myself and put my life out there for the world to read about.
I suppose I should start with an update of sorts. I recently turned 24 and am starting to feel my age, or slightly behind for my age. Everyone in my graduating class in high school has finished college/university, had kids, and/or is married. Everyone except me. I'm still single and I have been for the past 3 years with no prospects of getting a boyfriend in the near future, I still live with my parents and won't be moving out anytime soon, I have a crappy job that I am unhappy doing, and I am still doing high school courses to graduate. Aren't I a winner?
I don't mean to be so down on myself but most of it is the truth. I recently was berated by Ryan (Burchmore, not Bernice) out of the blue. Totally unexpected and random, and I still have no idea why he did it, but the kid just flailed and totally started shit talking me TO me. Some of the meanest insults anyone has EVER said to me. He's ashamed to be my friend and doesn't want to associate with me because I will "drag him down", nothing about me is lovable, I don't do anything, I'm just gliding through life, etc. etc. Horrible, mean shit. Needless to say we're not friends anymore. I don't even care if he thinks he's too good to associate with me, I don't want to associate with stuck up assholes so even if he apologized now I still wouldn't be his friend. I'll admit, I let what he said get to me at first. I cried and I'm not exactly sure why.
I also recently have developed some strong feelings for someone (O.) only to find out that he has a girlfriend. Being the idiot that I am I was hopeful that they would break up and we would be together, and I kept looking too far ahead into a future that doesn't even exist. And in a stupid girly attempt to win him over, I was motivated to try to make myself better hoping he would want to be with me. No dice, haha. It may have been the wrong motivation, but at least it got me on the right track. I don't entirely like who I am right now or the person I will become if I continue on the road that I am on. Just because I shouldn't do it for a guy doesn't mean I shouldn't do it at all.
So I have decided to start over and change that. I have absolutely no clue as to how I'm going to do anything, or who I am going to become but at least I am doing something.
I started my high school courses through the Vancouver Learning Network so I can graduate. I'm only doing English 12 online right now until I can figure out how to go about starting my other courses but at least I've started. It's always bugged me that I never graduated, even though it's never really necessary for anything lol. I'm doing well in my course so far, an A- (although grades aren't being calculated until the end of the course) which is pretty good considering all my assignments have been done either while at work or while stoned. I rule! haha.
I've also redone my resume and started to look for another job, since I'm not particularly enjoying working at the porn store anymore and I'm not exactly proud to work here, either. I think I'm going to hold off on looking for a new job, though, until I get more settled into doing my school courses because I don't want to overwhelm myself.
I think this is a long enough entry for a first post, so I'm going to end it right .... now!
